The Four Horsemen of Anxiety (And How They Keep You Stuck)

“And I heard, as it were, the noise of thunder,
One of the four beasts saying, ‘Come and see’,
And I saw, and behold, a white horse.”

Johnny Cash, The Man Comes Around.

I love this song by Johnny Cash. In fact, I’m listening to it right now. To give credit where it is due, it was in the Bible first, prophesying doom and apocalypse. The song refers to a verse where four horsemen unleash chaos - conquest, war, famine, death.

I’m no Bible expert, but the sense of doom that the verse conjures always brings to mind anxiety, which can feel pretty apocalyptic. I like to think of four horsemen of anxiety: avoidance, information-seeking, reassurance-seeking, and checking behaviours. The horsemen in the verse are terrifying, whereas the horsemen of anxiety seem at first to be benign, even helpful. These coping strategies reduce anxiety in the short term, but they are false friends. Over the long term, they increase your anxiety and trap you in a pattern of unhelpful behaviour that only makes you feel worse.

Let me introduce you to the horsemen, one by one.

A reminder - anxiety is the fear of something imagined. We have the same physiological reaction as when we are afraid - heart racing, dodgy tummy, narrow focus on the threat, inability to think in a balanced way, increased breathing rate, sweating - but it is a response to something imagined, not real. In short, our brain - impressive piece of kit though it is - cannot tell the difference between a scary thought and a sabre-toothed tiger.

Horseman #1: Avoidance

Avoidance is a helpful evolutionary strategy. It helps us to survive things we genuinely do need to avoid: grizzly bears; speeding cars; standing too close to cliff edges. But anxiety is fear of something imagined: we imagine danger and then organise our lives around avoiding it and mitigating against it.

Example: Rita grew up in a household with financial insecurity, so Rita feels anxious about money. She avoids checking her bank balance. She doesn’t open messages from the bank. She skips news about the cost of living. She avoids talking to her partner about money because it makes her stomach flip. Each time she avoids it, her anxiety drops. The relief confirms that not looking is safer than knowing. Over time, what she learns is: (a) I can only feel better if I avoid this and (b) I can’t cope with it - it’s dangerous. Her tolerance for money-related discomfort shrinks, so the anxiety grows.

As a long-term strategy, avoidance doesn’t work out, because it decreases our ability to cope with the thing that makes us anxious. If the thing that makes you anxious is polar bears, that’s not really a problem. If it’s more mundane - finances, social situations, speaking up in meetings, driving, decision-making - then avoidance is going to get in the way of you living your life.

Horseman #2: Information-seeking

Information-seeking cunningly disguises itself as a helpful behaviour. It feels helpful because information creates a burst of certainty and a sense of doing something sensible. After all, it’s helpful to know how much debt someone your age typically has, right? Or whether that mole on your arm is growing too fast. Well, it is - within limits. When done repeatedly, information-seeking is no longer helpful.

The problem is that anxiety doesn’t want understanding. It wants certainty. There are many things in life about which we just can’t have certainty. The more we information-seek, the more we worry about ‘the thing’, the more we focus on it. So we seek information over and over again - on YouTube, Reddit (you know who you are), Google, and the latest culprit in information-seeking - ChatGPT or another AI companion.

Example: Rita swings from avoidance to information-seeking, and watches YouTube videos on mortgages, debt and pensions. She lurks on Reddit forums, and Googles “how much should I have saved by my age?” Her socials are filled with videos about how to save, Instagram or TikTok influencers talking about money, or stories that quietly reinforce her worst fears.

For a short while, the information makes Rita feel in control, but then the uncertainty creeps back in and she searches again. The algorithm learns what hooks her and serves up more of the same. Anxiety learns that more information equals safety, but that safety never arrives: all it does is increase focus on the thing that makes Rita anxious.

Horseman #3: Reassurance-seeking

Reassurance-seeking involves asking others to confirm that things are OK - that you’re safe, that things are not about to fall apart. You might seek reassurance from a partner, a friend, a family member, a professional, an internet forum, or ChatGPT (it tends to confirm what you are already saying, by the way). Reassurance-seeking feels helpful because it provides short-term relief. You ask the question, get reassurance, and your anxiety drops. Your nervous system settles. For a moment, you feel grounded again.

Example: Rita asks her partner if they’ve saved enough. She checks in with friends: “How much have you saved?” She might book an appointment with a financial adviser. She looks at her budget spreadsheet over and over again to reassure herself she has enough. Each reassurance calms her briefly. Then the doubt returns.

Over time, what she learns is not “I can cope with this uncertainty”, but “I need someone or something else to help me feel safe”. Internal confidence shrinks, she struggles to self-soothe, and anxiety tightens its grip.

Horseman #4: Checking behaviours

Checking behaviours involve repeatedly scanning or testing to make sure the feared thing hasn’t happened, or isn’t about to. Like the other horsemen, checking brings quick relief. You check, your anxiety drops, and your brain files that away as useful behaviour.

Example: Rita checks her bank app throughout the day. She refreshes it even when she knows nothing has changed. She scans recent spending, runs and reruns her budget spreadsheet, goes back over the whole year to see where her money has gone, and cuts the data five different ways. She watches closely for any sign that things are getting worse.

Each check brings a flicker of relief, then the anxiety spikes again. She can’t relax without checking, but the checking keeps her nervous system on high alert.

The cycle continues

Each of these horsemen reduces anxiety in the short term, which is exactly why they stick around. But over time they all teach the same lesson: “I can’t cope unless I do this”. The cunning thing about these behaviours is that, if not done repeatedly, they can be helpful. It is helpful to know how much is in your bank and have a realistic budget. It is helpful to seek financial advice if you need it. It can be helpful to talk to a friend or loved one for reassurance sometimes, or to get that mole checked by the doctor. These behaviours are not helpful when they are done compulsively and repeatedly, and when we have to do them to feel OK.

What to do if you’re wrangling your own horsemen

We can think of the horsemen as unwelcome visitors who show up when anxiety spikes. The way out isn’t to get rid of anxiety or stop the horsemen appearing, but to respond differently when they do. Over time, this will reduce your anxiety.

1. Instead of avoiding, gently and gradually approach the thing you fear. This is called graded exposure.

Example: Instead of avoiding finances, Rita might start by opening her bank app once a day, or plan a short, contained conversation with her partner about money. She stays with the discomfort long enough for it to rise and fall, rather than escaping it. She doesn’t jump straight into a full financial planning day. Gradual exposure is key: over time, her nervous system learns that she can look, talk, and cope without everything falling apart.

2. Instead of information-seeking, practise tolerating not knowing.

Example: When Rita feels the urge to google, watch another video, or scroll for reassurance, she recognises this as information-seeking. Instead of acting on it straight away, she pauses. She lets the uncertainty sit there - uncomfortable but survivable - without trying to think her way out of it. She sets limits on how much time she spends on certain apps and timeboxes how long she can research each day. This helps her nervous system learn that certainty isn’t required for safety.

If this is hard, I’ve written more about grounding and calming your nervous system here.

3. Instead of reassurance-seeking, build the capacity to self-soothe.

Example: When Rita wants to ask her partner, a friend, or a professional to reassure her, she notices the urge and pauses. She reminds herself that anxiety rises and falls on its own. She grounds herself, slows her breathing, or simply stays with the feeling until it eases. Rather than asking someone else to make the anxiety go away, she allows her own system to do the settling. Over time, this builds internal and external confidence.

4. Instead of checking, allow thoughts and sensations to exist without interrogating them.

Example: When Rita feels compelled to rerun her budget or refresh her bank app, she instead takes a breath and lets the anxious thoughts and bodily sensations come and go without analysing them. The anxiety peaks, then gradually settles. She also timeboxes her checking, rather than responding to every urge. Over time, her nervous system learns that constant vigilance isn’t required to stay safe.

What is timeboxing?

Timeboxing is a way of containing anxiety, rather than letting it run your day. Instead of thinking about the same concern on repeat, you choose a specific time to think about it on purpose. Not in bed or right before sleep. Ideally at a set point in the day, say 6pm. At that time, you ground yourself, then think or write about the worry. You let your brain do what it’s trying to do, but within clear limits. When the time is up, you stop. During the rest of the day, when the thoughts pop up, you remind yourself: this can wait. You’re not ignoring the worry. You’re parking it in a waiting room and coming back to it later. With time, you get better at not engaging with the thoughts.

None of this feels as comforting in the moment as the horsemen. That’s the point. These responses don’t give instant relief, but over time they teach your nervous system something far more important: I can handle this.

I’ll write more about this later, but if you want some practical, evidence-based exercises you can start with right now, I recommend the Centre for Clinical Interventions’ Worry and Rumination resource. It includes a clear set of worksheets that target the behaviours we’ve just talked about: https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/looking-after-yourself/worry-and-rumination

For now, if you recognise yourself in this, take that as information, not a failure. You learned these strategies for a reason; you can learn new ones and keep those pesky horsemen at bay.

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